well…i have been visiting gyms during this long break…and i found out that those what u call them…weight bearing equipment? yah…they are not that intimidating after all…and y i have been using such equipment is becos i told myself i gotta build up my upper body liao…becos it seems to be growing weaker and weaker…sigh…i also dun understand how come i still have appetite yet my weight has decreased? hmm…
anyways…so far i have tried free gym access to this SS club at king’s arcade and amore, and also paid entry fee of $2.50 to tpy clubfitt…
SS uses hydraulic equipment which i feel are actually quite easy to handle…but maybe like what one of its competitors mentioned in its website which i happened to visit just now: “Unlike many other women’s fitness programmes, xxx does not use the less effective hydraulic equipment, as studies show women quickly reach their maximum capacity when using hydraulic equipment and no longer get results from their workouts.”
amore’s equipment is not bad leh…i went this morning and quite enjoyed the process…plus of cos it’s purely ladies…very comfortable environment…which is the main reason y i dun like clubfitt, cos although it’s really very cheap…but the weight bearing equipment is always fully occupied by the guys…no chance for us gals to use leh…sianz…
sigh, want to find a proper and convenient gym also dunno where…neh, so long need to travel using public transport, me is too lazy…unless gym entry is free lah! all these gyms’ packages so expensive…how? i want to continue to build up my strength and upper body leh…
aiya, might as well i myself open 1 ladies’ only gym club in tpy lah, and charge lower prices…sure got good business…hmm…
me: yo…this is mine….. http://umapoker.wordpress.com/ u have the honour to be the 1st and oli person i give my blog addy to for the moment…..shh…..
but i think really a lot in chinese…so haha….dun tink u will hv the patience to read them…..
yugu: wah.. so honoured ah
me: yaloh…even my bf dunno i hv a blog wor….hohohohh
yugu: wah
i muz go buy 4d
me: u got number to buy meh??
yugu: today’s date lor
or wat’s your birthday
i buy your birthday number also can..
me: like that also can???
dec xx xxxx
yugu: ya.. mum always does tt
a lot of no can buy wor..
me: then u must gimme big treat loh if open…..
yugu: 12xx, 12xx.. etc
me: hmm…tink i shd buy also?? will break the “magic”?
yugu: can try..
haa
sure
me: hur? sure wat?
yugu: treat u if open
me: oh…..wah…delayed answer…
well…reply delayed never mind…so long the 4d really open and i get to enjoy a sumptuous meal…hehehe…
today i tried roller blading…ok lah…i will still forever be phobic of falling down lah…given my past experiences…but at least i had a very small small breakthrough lah…
life is basically just that simple for me nowadays…i am a “nua” gal rather than an ambitious one…so…i have got nothing else to say…
the news that my company will shift in a few years’ time struck me quite hard…
all along i have always thought of leaving this company…but all along i never do so cos i dunno what else i can do…
so i simply just let myself stay on and on in this company…plus the fact that i need this stable income to feed my family…yes, i am the sole breadwinner…
suddenly i find myself feeling the need to set myself a limit…finally i feel that something needs to be done in order for this limit to be reached…
to drag myself to go for work at a 鸟不生蛋的地方…i think cannot loh…
been surfing the net recently…there are a few things i have always thought of doing…go for certain courses…but never do so loh, either lacking of time or doubting its practicality…
but now i think i may get myself enrolled in a translation diploma course…
translation is a skill i probably can depend on should i leave my job…at least it’s a skill i can always depend on…while i continue to explore and pursue other areas of interests…
so in conclusion i have already set 3/4 of my mind to sign up for the course…
sort of looking forward to it…
everytime i have a long break, i will always look through my old diary book again and again…
to reminisce the past? to recall who i was when i was younger? to run away from the present?
or because the present me has become too bland a person? i simply live an uninteresting life… lack of stimulants…steady and settled(?)…no highs and lows…
anyway, below is yet another diary entry from the past:
就是这样突然间觉得很落寞，生活缺少了什么似的？心情不是很好了。很累很累，还要为屋子的琐琐碎碎烦。我在想我该如何分身？没有别人和我一起分担，有太多太多的东西得自己来，自己找。为何我不能快活地像别人一样？
很想避世了。其实我真的不喜欢讲那么多话的。But 让人觉得我冷漠吧？我是个生活包袱太重的人。很想走世界，很想离开所有的一切，做个真正的自己。
很怀念 Lalit。不知他还记得我吗？很欣赏他的性格，which i think 是多数尼泊尔 Sherpas’ 的性情。和他在一起很舒服，我不用说话。彼此的静默是一种享受。觉得这凡间有时真的太吵了。
缺友情？缺爱情？缺钱？缺乐趣？缺刺激？缺动力？缺自由？
我这个人真的那么执著吗？
22/04/1998
‘女人是天使。当她爱上一个人时，就会折断翅膀来到人间，所以男人不可以伤害身边的女人，因为她已经没有翅膀再飞回天堂。’
i copied the above sentence from somewhere some time ago…can’t remember where i got it from…it’s a beautiful sentence and it’s so true loh…
‘假如一直都是在自己一个人生活的情况下，那么“俩”的念头，会在生命的不同阶段里毫无防备地闪现多次。
每一次，都是挣扎。
而且年纪越大，那种难以言喻的复杂交错、忐忑激荡，就越是强烈。’
‘俩的感觉很好。这谁都知道。包括那些一直独身的人，也都知道。一起生活，一起面对，一起喜乐忧愁，互相关怀与鼓励，但是当真要拿出一份勇气来面对茫茫的未来时，谁都不能确定日后自己必须把原装的自己妥协多少，付出多少，调整多少，才能换来双方协调的关系。’
– 吴韦材
又到了放长假的时候了。每次这种时候，我都会大概收拾收拾一下自己的房间，因为时不时都会有一些应该丢弃的过期东西等着我去挖出来。就这样，翻到了以下这篇应该是8年前写的文章…
除夕那一晚，就在我差点已把你给遗忘了之前，你打了通电话给我。很久没接到你的电话了。
我们之间的关系，很奇怪的，还是能以一年两、三次的通电话来维持。很多年前，（认识7年了吧？感觉好久）我们开始以“兄妹”互称。很多人也曾经误会我们有来过。事实上，我有段时期选择逃避你。后来，冰释了，我以后也听你诉说了你和不少女子的感情。
第一个是你暗恋的，她拒绝你。第二个刚开始不久，你就因她不是你找的那个而提出分手，她也恨了你一段日子。第三个交往了两年多吧，最终是分离。原因多少也和第四个有点关系，你说你和她有心灵上的默契，很谈得来。还记得你的信里提到：“脾气有点像你，一副任性洒脱的性格”。（我不知该荣幸，还是担忧？）你更和她一起去了西班牙。本来很替你高兴，下一次联络时，你说分了，也不想多加解释。
我一直都为你担心，我觉得你从来都无法真正确定你要的是什么。不然你的爱情生活怎么会是离了又离？最后一次见面，你终于又有新的进展。你说这位女子让你有结婚定下来的念头。我安慰，这次你找到了。
除夕那一晚，你说你很闷。我觉得不对题，好不容易找到一个适当的机会提起你那个女朋友，你却轻描淡写说她觉得你不行，分了。我真不知要说什么好。
每一次你打来，我都“酸”你，只有闷时才想到找我。但，真的，你到底是在怎样的情况下想到要找我？曾有一次，你说你找的对象是高高瘦瘦的。幸亏是隔着电话筒，你看不到我的表情。（我正好是高高瘦瘦的）当然，我也看不到你是否在开玩笑。
你知道吗？C问过我，难道我和你之间没有可能吗？的确，你我的性情是很相似，志趣也完全相同。But that’s all, right? 我想，你也是不会相信我对你会有什么feeling，因为我曾经逃避过你。
现在，我不是很肯定了。我终于发现我没有信心说：“我们太像了。他是我大哥，我是他小妹，不可能的。”这种话了。有时我会想起你，有时我却又须要你来偶尔提醒我你的存在，就像除夕那晚一样。无论如何，我得确定如果我想念你，那不是因为我寂寞。我不想对你不公平。
我不急着寻找答案。目前，爱情不是我的top priority，我还有更重要的事要做。也许我们真的不过是好兄妹，随缘吧！
在放下电话之前的那一刻，你问我有了男朋友没有？
世事无绝对。也许我们都被这7年的友情骗得太久了。可能我们都在压抑着，也可能只是我单方面的感觉。都无所谓。把这一切写下来，只是觉得有必要面对一下自己的feelings。
P/S：这篇文章是我的肺腑之言。我花了半天的年初二来写的。写得很辛苦，因为要找适当的字来形容我的真正感受不容易。他有没有想过我们之间的可能性，最终我们还是不是好朋友，都无所谓。我自己面对自己的feelings，我不想逃避。
会发现这一篇和之前的另一篇 “to:QL” 有些部分是重复的…究竟我先写的是哪一篇？我也不记得了…反正我们的友情已不再了…前些日子在早报看到他的照片，看样子他过得还相当不错。结婚了，可是这样的消息，我还是从别人口中听来的…如此我还能说些什么？
“坚持半饱。在太满足之前止步，让自己有余裕去容纳其他美好事物；享受恬适的同时，还有动力追求刺激。”
– 欧阳应霁
