EACH STEP THAT I'M TAKING IS A STEP TO MY SOUL

finally…
it’s the last day of year 2007…
i tried to recall how i spent the new year’s eve before year 2003…
can’t really remember leh…
but anyhow…
today seems like a peaceful day…
just another day…
and soon, a fresh new year 2008 will just arrive before my eyes silently…

我很喜欢这句话：
没有纪念日的爱情…
是我突然间很有灵感想出来的一句话…

这句话包含了我心中的遗憾，也欠缺了对方对这一天发自内心的主动…

随着2007年12月30日的结束，这一份遗憾永远都会是个遗憾…

went to fish leong 今天情人节 concert last nite…

now i know why she is being called the “情歌天后”…cos the lyrics of her songs reflect 女人的心声…

如果爱上一个人的笑容
应该怎样去收藏
应该怎样去拥有

每一次听到”勇气”，我都会感动…
只要你一个眼神肯定
我的爱就有意义
a tear drop found its way down my face…sigh…

so, anyway, last night i wore the below outfit…hehehe…

the black boots cost only S$20+, bought in hongkong…aiyo…there got SOOOOOOOOO MANY varieties of boots!!!

been a bit more adventurous in my dressing recently…
some other clothes i had worn:

interesting song…saw it from another blog…

SOULMATE

Incompatible, it don’t matter though
‘cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
you’re not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
is already in my life?
right in front of me
or maybe you’re in disguise

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I’m on my own
if there’s a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
how do I find the perfect fit
there’s enough for everyone
but I’m still waiting in line

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I’m on my own
if there’s a soulmate for everyone

If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They’re all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I’m on my own
if there’s a soulmate for everyone

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
who knows how to love you without being told
somebody tell me why I’m on my own
if there’s a soulmate for everyone
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

found a piece of paper from somewhere…
some very old stuff…dated way back in 1994…

“我是个对自己没信心的人。我常尽量地避开人群。只有这样，我才会自在。
我是否永远都在说这样的话？”
– 19 June 1994

我想我真的永远都会在说那样的话leh…13 years ago, i was already like that…

yesterday…
i reached home at around 5.40pm…
and then i started to let out and cry…
i cried and cried, on and off, for the next one and half hrs…so tired that i went to lie down on my bed at around 7pm…
there is so much heartpain inside me…
the pain keeps gnawing at me…

i dunno why these feelings come back to haunt me again…

it’s painful…it’s really so painful…

didn’t feel good today…and still dun feel good now…

maybe i am still deceiving myself…

saw a horoscope description on facebook, and thot that mine is quite accurate for me:

SAGITTARIUS – The Promiscuous One

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. (hehehe…boi paiseh loh…) Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

been thinking about this topic for around 3 years liao…
never got into real action, just surfing here and there…but always on hold…
mid this year…i started a bit of action…
sometimes it’s about the timing…
sometimes it’s about making a further step…
THAT particular course was the one i had wanted to take but one aspect of it stopped me from checking it further initially…
i know for sure next year should be the right timing liao…
i become slightly more enthusiastic in searching info…
because i still have doubts with the 2 current options that are opened in front of me…
i finally decided to make that further step and enquire…
and i got a quite surprisingly satisfactory reply…
the money is more definitely…but somehow i just feel more comfortable with this 3rd option…which i have always felt so ever since i learnt about the school…
i think i should be able to pursue further…and make it come-true realisation…
if everything goes smooth…

* though the process may not be smooth…cos a harder life may be coming up soon…

“我原来就是孤身一人”
“你总是什么都一个人背着”
“人一个人也能生活”
“人生绝不会如意料一样发展”
from “Yakusha” jap dorama…

我想我以后也是孤身一人…
我依旧什么都一个人背着…
也许我以后也应该是一个人生活…