理所当然…

办公室里的人际关系真的就假得理所当然吗？

这是我最近的一个新发现/领悟？

 

accuracy of death…

死神的 秘密 判决

死神毫不犹豫地在中国四川下了重重的判决…
那一具具的尸体都原来是已完成了他们各自人生中的任务吗？

 

flowers and photography and life…

had my translation oral exam this morning…eeks, dun tink i will score good grades for that…

went to the sentosa flowers 2008 on monday (11th feb) with SF…take into consideration i was just using a very simple sha gua digital camera (n considered old model already loh), i am quite happy and satisfied to get the below fotos…

photography is now a past dream for me lah…i nearly became an assistant photographer 12 years ago…haha…but due to reality, i needed a higher paid job to contribute to the family…
sigh…maybe i would have become a top-notch photographer already by now, if i had chosen that path…who knows?

life is like that loh…u always wonder if u had taken another path, what would have happened to u? when u were young, there were many paths in front of u for u to choose…i just feel a bit 遗憾 that i had to give up the path i most wanted to choose because i had no choice…

我没有选择因为我必须养家…对于那些家境不错，根本不需承担任何家庭负担的人来说，他们当然可以毫无顾忌、理直气壮地去追寻他们的理想…所以当听到或读到这些人说什么有梦想就要去追求 blah blah 的，我心里是有点排斥的…也许是因为我没办法做到的关系吧？有多少人是寄人篱下，看人脸色，又是家庭里唯一可以做工赚钱的？那些不是的人是幸运的。因此，我认命。不是说你的命掌握在你手里，你必须自己去创造这么简单的…当你身边有一个人，她唯一能依靠的人就只有你，你能这样子说走就走吗？一个人的命不是只属于他自己的，有些人的命是和其他人的命紧密地牵绊在一起的…这些人的命所肩负的无形的压力是一个外人很难理解的重担…因为这样的重担，他们的命已变成不是只属于他们自己的了…

a tarot reader once said to me, 我本应该是个远走高飞的人，但我的命格里有一个很重的“责任感”因素牢牢地牵住了我…and she said it with an unbelievable tone, becos my “freedom number” is so strong that she did not understand why i am still in singapore, until she saw my “responsibility number” which is even stronger…very conflicting numbers…what a pity, she said…

yes, what can i say? what a pity…

 

爱与被爱…

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
- Lao Tzu

简单的一句话，但是真的很有意思。

我曾经很有勇气，很有勇气去面对一切的不如意，很有勇气去接受一切可能需要面对的困难…

但是…
我无法拥有能让这份勇气持续下去的力气…
没有力气在后面撑着，光是勇气，也只是撑得精疲力尽…

原来，这两者是相辅相成的…　

* 突然也想到，另一边纵然拥有我提供给他的力气，但若没自身的勇气也徒然…

 

事实

（だんせい）男性が本当に（じょせい）女性が好きであるならば、彼は彼がしたいことをします。

知道一位同事WC要结婚的消息，以及知道他求婚的方式后，觉得以上的句子真的非常真实…
既然是那么清楚的事实，我就更清楚了解这样的一个事实了…

尤其当你对另外两位女子做过不曾对我做过的事情…

多分、あなたが探している女の子は、私でないでしょう。
あなたは欲しい女の子は、私でありません。

虽然难过不是没有，我现在只是觉得我们以前到底在做什么？

@11.34pm

 

映画を見ます + desperado

後で、私は映画を見ます。
あなたと一緒に見ます。
私たちが二週間ほとんど会いません。

＠3.03pm

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?
You been out ridin’ fences for so long now
Oh, you’re a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin’ you
Can hurt you somehow
Don’ you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She’ll beat you if she’s able
You know the queen of heats is always your best bet

Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can’t get

Desperado, oh, you ain’t gettin’ no youger
Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that’s just some people talkin’
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don’t your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine
It’s hard to tell the night time from the day
You’re loosin’ all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you, before it’s too late

before it’s…too…late…

本とに素晴らしい歌です！

@11.27pm

 

a day’s activity…”re-posted@8.11pm”

=PART 1=
hehehe…
i did not go to office again today…since no project assigned to me yet…
and since the weather today wasn’t too bad…i went to the pool…
ooh…at around 3+pm, i had the pool all to myself leh…
no one to fight the space with me…
i swam my usual target of 20 rounds…
was thinking if i should continue…cos i wasn’t sure if i would be able to catch the 4.15pm movie…
anyway, i decided to get out of the pool and had a quick bath…
looked at the time: 4.08pm…
ooh…seemed like i could make it in time wor…
quickly walked over to the cinema, bought a ticket, and when i sat down, the movie started!
very good timing!
and the show was nice, even though there was a lot of bloodshed and quite 煽情…but i think i like the show, it’s very real…i am glad i did not miss the show…
and 陈可辛, once again, proved that he had done it…

3.20pm – 3.50pm: swam for 20 rounds in a pool that belonged to me!
3.50pm – 4.08pm: washed up
4.17pm – 6.15pm: watched 投名状 The Warlords

=PART 2=
ooh…suddenly remembered the conversation i had with a JC old fren last nite…
met up with him for dinner, as he is always stationed overseas for months before coming back to home…
we talked about travel, about work, about frens, about the times in JC…
and also about changes…
he said basically my character is still the same but there is one part i have changed…
以前的我比较硬…尤其在碰到不喜欢或不爽一件事的时候…
但现在的我肯定比较soft了…
也许所有人都是一样的吧…经过岁月的磨练，尖的都会变得比较圆一点…

we also talked about the so called “clique” groups within our big group…cos there is these 3 gals who were and still are quite together…and me in the past used to be more with 2 other gals (we 3 from the same secondary school)…but even so…the other 2 also more “cliqued” to each other while i was more like the “3rd party”…

he said, from the first time he knew me, and throughout the JC life…he always felt that i was like a 独行侠…and till now he still has this image of me…
when he said that…i was quite surprised, cos i really did not know he actually had and still has this impression of me…

hmm…so, i really did give others such an impression…
cos not only that JC “used-to-be-my-brother” mentioned that i 独来独往…now i recalled a classmate of mine also wrote in my autograph something like that: 一个人独来独往…

想想也是…我的确还算是个独行侠…
就算是在公司里我也还挺是这样一个人 leh…

in conclusion, PART 1 and PART 2 的内容其实还真有点关联…
我在写 PART 1 的时候，并没有要写 PART 2 的打算…
可是在 posted my entry 之后，突然想起昨晚的交谈…
写完之后，更发现这两段之间所提到的“主题”其实是相似的…
老实说，我原本真的是忘了昨晚的内容喔…

原来有好多小事情是不知不觉地从你身边划过，然后又在你不经意的时候回来提醒你一下…

 

my 1st day of 2008…

woke up around 10am…
then started reading abit of the nutrition book i borrowed from the library…trying to know more about the vitamins and minerals before i really start on a new course…(guess very high chance i will take up a course lah…)
and then, went out to yck to play tennis with 3 other frens…
long time no play tennis liao…but alas…started to rain abit after playing for around 45min…
sianz…

below is an excerpt from a blog: http://cloudywindz.blogspot.com/

‘结婚证书上的每一个字都有“责任”这个沉重的东西牵着。男人既然已经承诺了要让女人幸福，他就应该克服所有的诱惑来完成这个一辈子的任务。’

老实说…虽然我并不是一个在情场上拥有丰富经历的人…但听和读到的故事真是太多太多了…

男女之间的感情到底有多少成分是真的？
即使现在相爱，什么时候又会变成毫不相干的两个人呢？

是，我是悲观的…
我不否认，以前，我会时不时望着我的“好友”(我想现阶段这是一个非常适当的称呼)， 心里面想着我有那么地幸运吗？想着我能相信眼前的一切吗？想着什么时候我们两个人会变成不是男女朋友？

我不知道我这算不算是一种矛盾的心理：我并不介意结婚，但我始终不是很相信婚姻…我一直想着结婚后的两个人真的能永远专心地对待彼此吗？

也许我所谓的要求高，不是高在那些外在条件，而是高在要求一份专一的心吧？
还是两个人在一起，其实真的不能要求太多…因为人生一点也不简单…

 

whatever…

i confirm…i give up on this friendship…because i never received a 2nd sms…

maybe like what P said, there are some people who really know not how to maintain a long term frenship… yah…he din even inform me when he got married…imagine i actually had to hear about it only from another classmate, who once, ironically, thought that he and i were an item in those times…

so i confirm…i give up on this friendship…

 

要为自己负责

“没有爸爸在身边的日子，要自己做好多好多的决定，要为自己负责。”

– 《白色巨塔》 陈宽

我是否其实一直都抱着这样的一种心态，而完全毫不所觉？因为突然觉得“要为自己负责”既陌生又熟悉…
看《白色巨塔》会让人觉得有许多无奈的事情没法控制…